📚 Buy the Book → You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy
I’m old-fashioned in the sense that I prefer a phone call. It’s becoming exceedingly rare these days. There’s an insecurity to dialing instead of texting. Feedback is much more instantaneous. Each ring amplifies the anticipation.
It’s a modern-day temperature check. To see if I really have what I think I have with this other person across the line.
Some answer the phone with confusion and some are excited to receive a call like a surprise care package in the mail instead of bills. The best one? There’s nothing like the well-worn reception from those I’ve forged a deep relationship with. The tone on the other line is steady with a hint of welcome that stems from a routine.
Recently, I was on the phone with one of these deep relationships. The conversation lasted precisely the amount of time it took for him to drive from his parent’s house back to his place or about 3 hours.
During that time the unsteady service resulted in audio cutting in and out, other calls came in and I was relegated to hold, or sometimes calls were dropped.
Isn’t this a portrait of our relationships?
I feel that sometimes I’m not always listening to those speaking to me. Life cutting in and out as I’m preoccupied with something. I’m left with conjuring some sort of thoughtful response (read: not really) which usually leaves both parties unsatisfied.
Other times intimacy of our relationship is put on hold for other obligations or reasons in life.
Lastly, sometimes we just lose the connection, with seeming no fault of our own.
Each of the subtle pauses during our call acts as a quick check on the quality of the conversation as well as the relationship. These slight pauses and breaks make me wonder mostly about the continuation.
Will they call back?
Should I?
Is this conversation for me or for both of us? And so on.
For this particular conversation. Continuity prevailed throughout multiple interruptions. After the call, I thought about how rare that must be. How grateful I am for having someone to call and chat with. More importantly, someone who calls back. Only some conversations are equal doses of listening and speaking.
What a blessing to have a friend I can share with and I’m met with an engaged response in the form of a question instead of an explanation.
Because sometimes, I don’t need an explanation. Just to be heard.
I should do this more because I know I don’t do this enough.
With Optimism,
Su Hawn